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carolyn
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15 may
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chapman university singapore.

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the past will always haunt.
Saturday, September 26, 2009


蔡依林 你怎麼連話都說不清楚

i was just surfing youtube when i found this awesome song that jay chou sang at one of his concert because he composed it, then i found out that the original singer is jolin? so i went to look her her version la. and omg. you HAVE to watch it.

this video was taken in 2001, when she was 21 and i just was quite new to the scene? but anyway, the thing i wanna say is. WTF. jolin was like a freaking amateur la! There are SOOO many bad points I need to say!
  1. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER AWKWARD DANCE AT THE RAPPING PART OF THE SONG AT THE BEGINNING?! my god seriously? can anyone say awkward?
  2. seeing that this is a slow song, i really have no freaking idea wtf is wrong with her. HELLO? you know slow? S-L-O-W? why the fuck does she have to act like she's black throughout the whole song and do inappropriate moves?! this is not a freaking nightclub and your dance moves are seriously retarded. MY GOD!
  3. and seriously? you don't look too sad for a slow song? AND you don't usually throw the mic to your audience for a slow song either please! again? S-L-O-W?!
  4. and honestly, the whole mtv wasn't even the live version, but anyway, i don't think her live version would sound nice anyway. see how amatuer she was? TOTALLY NO 感动度 at all please!
she's so retarded in this video i really don't know what to say. all i know was flat, fat, amateur and retarded then.

keeping in mind that she is now 29 and that video was when she was 21/22, i'd say by then one would've reached AND completed puberty right? so logically, she should even be growing breast after that to her "D" cup that she is now. and she OBVIOUSLY denies surgery, *rolls eyes* so i found evidence!

AHHH! SCARY WITCH ON THE RIGHT!

see the HUGE difference?

aiyo, witch on the right again! but aiya, look at her on the left? see her neh neh and cleavage? poor thing. like kena mosquito bite lidat. no wonder she needs her fake boobs. tsk tsk. okay la. give her la. haha. see she so poor thing. sigh. i also feel sad looking at her mosquito bites.

AND LOOK AT HER FACE! my good. totally different please! reminds me of ariel lin somehow.

HAHA!


ariel lin.

look like right?! her face was so round last time lo!

below are some photos i found of her on the net.

aiyo. why is her hair stick to her face? flat untilllllll.

AHHHHH!!!!!!! MONSTER!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!! OLD HAG!!!!!!!! *pukes and faints*

haha. okay la. obviously the 2nd photo was photoshopped to make her ugliness stand out but still! SCARYYYY!!!

anyway, here's what a singapore plastic surgeon think she's done:

POP princess Jolin Tsai has undergone five surgeries to enhance her looks. This was told by local aesthetic surgeon Dr Woffles Wu to Lianhe Wanbao.

Following the tremendous success of her first single “Living with the world”, which was released in 1999, Jolin has captured the hearts of Mandarin pop followers ever since.

But rumours of her change in physical appearance has also been rife.

Dr Wu pointed out that when Jolin first started her career in the entertainment industry, she looked very much like the typical China doll – the shape of her face was round and undefined.

“She’s got quite a pretty girl-next-door look, but she looked too innocent and childish.

“She looked like she lacked worldly experience,” told Dr Wu to Lianhe Wanbao.

Dr Wu told the Chinese evening daily that Jolin now looks more mature, her features are sharp, defined, proportionate and she now looks like the “conventional beauty”.

He pointed out five areas which he reckoned Jolin had aesthetic enhancements but he also disclaimed his speculations, saying that it could also be due to make-up techniques.

“We have to admit that make-up does wonders!”, said Dr Wu.

Here’s what Dr Wu thinks:

Nose
The bridge is obviously higher and it is definitely sharper. This has altered her entire look dramatically.

Eyes
Her eyes are obviously larger now. This could be due to make up but if her eyes still look the same without make-up, then it definitely means that she did something to her eyes.

Eyebags
Upon close observation, Jolin used to have eyebags that were rather obvious, but now it seems like they have disappeared. It has also given her a “cleaner” and fresher look. Draining away excess fats in eyebags also causes the eyes to look larger and more natural.

Lips
Her lips look slightly fuller now. This could be due to lipstick but Jolin might have enhanced them.

Breasts
“I don’t even need to look at her old pictures to guess that she probably needs some assistance there”, said Dr Wu. (HAHAHA! spot on! spot on!)

He pointed out that breast augmentation does not necessarily have to be done using breast implants – injections are also another way to make the breasts fuller.

However, Dr Wu noted that there are people who are slim yet well-endowed and Jolin might possibly be one of the “luckier” ones.

My ass! if she was one of the luckier ones then i must be a freaking four leaf clover! HAHA! anyway, seeing that i am on a roll on criticizing her already, here's another thing about her to laugh at.

HER SUPER BAD ENGLISH.


please watch self explanatory video.

HAHAHA! so loser right? even the presenter's english is better than hers la! summor still need the presenter to step in and save her! my god! it's so sad, i just might cry. not saying that my english is very good. but at least mine's WAYYYYYY better than hers! god!

she doesn't even understand a single shit the person says and kei kiang trys to answer which therefore results in epic failure. haha! her answers don't even match the questions please!

AND! it's not like the guy is some real ang mor or whatever. HELLO? it's just a malaysian with a fake british accent? lidat she also cannot understand! i seriously think that her "english literature" uni cert is from some hoax online website. haha! AND PLEASE STOP WRITING AND PUBLISHING ENGLISH BOOKS FOR KIDS IN TAIWAN! YOU'RE GONNA FREAKING RUIN THEIR FUTURE! don't drag those poor things into your bad english world!

she even tried to teach other celebs english on national tv! and you know what she said? because the word for the day is hanger? and she totally taught them to say "i hanger my jeans and put them in the cupboard." or something like that, but HELLO?! HANGER MY JEANS?! WTF MAN! SERIOUSLY. JUST STOP!!! hanger = noun! not verb dumb!

another point to note is that if you can't speak or understand english that well, PLEASE don't try to speak with a fake american accent. it's just SOOOO revolting.

oh and just so you know? my eyes are rolled so far back into my sockets, they've made one way around.

danced on the moon at 3:21 am.